Sleep Problems and Positive Reinforcement

A couple of weeks after Abigail was born Spencer had a terrible nightmare, and I mean terrible! He woke up crying hysterically and we had a difficult time consoling him, which isn’t normal. He kept repeating “bugs”. This nightmare was so terrible that its effects lasted for days. He wouldn’t sleep in his bed so we decided he could sleep in our bed during this difficult time for him. After a few nights we transitioned him back to his big boy bed. We had to turn on the lamp in his room so that he wouldn’t be scared (presently he no longer needs to lamp, he now has a nightlight instead). To this day he still mentions the bugs; it must have been quite the nightmare. I believe this terrible nightmare and the transition to having a little sister has been huge factors in Spencer’s sleep problems. While lately he is no longer having a difficult time sleeping because of this nightmare I believe it made it difficult for Spencer to soothe himself back to sleep. It is normal for babies and toddlers to wake up a few times in the middle of the night; however, they are usually able to fall back to sleep on their own. Because Spencer is unable to soothe himself back to sleep on his own he is waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our room and usually it’s for no apparent reason.

Not only is Spencer waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason he is also having a difficult time staying in his bed when we tuck him in. Putting Spencer to bed at night used to be a fairly simple task. We would do our normal routine, read a story, say a prayer, and sing songs. He would then go to sleep just fine. However, lately he has been getting up and leaving his room. It takes us a couple of times of walking him back to his bed and tucking him in before he eventually stays in his bed and falls asleep.

Brady and I are huge advocates of positive reinforcement so we decided to use this parenting strategy to try and solve this problem. For awhile now Brady and I have been teaching Spencer how to make a “good decision.” If he is having a difficult time obeying us we ask him to make a good decision and this usually works. It’s actually really cute because Spencer will say “okay, good decision” whenever he decides to make a good decision. Sometimes it takes a little while for Spencer to decide if he really wants to make a good decision or not so we have to help him a long in the process. Sometimes we will need to start making the good decision ourselves (i.e. start to pick up his toys). This usually prompts him to insist he can make a good decision on his own.

So back to trying to solve his sleep problems using positive reinforcement. Every time Spencer makes a good decision and stays in his bed whether at night or during his nap time we give him a sticker when he wakes up. He loves getting stickers and so far this reward system seems to be working. Since I have started giving him stickers he has been staying in his bed all night. It is still taking him awhile to fall asleep initially, but the repeated episodes of getting out of his bed has decreased a lot. It has only been a couple of days, but I’m really hoping this positive reinforcement will change his bedtime behavior.

Being a parent sure takes a lot of problem solving skills and brain power! I feel so blessed that Brady is such a good father. He is often coming up with wonderful solutions to problems and he is so patient with all of us. Working together in parenthood has brought us closer together, more than I could have ever imagined. I love the Man I married and I am so grateful for his example.