The Seemingly Never Ending Battle

It started out as a normal Friday night, Brady and I sat on the couch winding down from our busy day. Then, the phone rang. I answered the phone. Two people were on the other end, my Dad and my Mom. The tone in their voices gave their mood away immediately, somber. I knew even before the words left their mouths that this would be a difficult night…another battle is about to unfold. I knew that my Dad had been sick for over a week, with what they thought was an infection. I knew he would be undergoing tests that week, but I wasn’t ready to hear those results. I remember I could feel my heart beat in my throat as my Dad uttered the words I didn’t want to hear, “The cancer is back.” My heart sunk lower than it has ever sunk before, I’m pretty sure I heard it hit the floor. In an instant my mind was flooded with questions: how could the cancer be back? Why didn’t the bone marrow transplant work? Is my Dad going to be okay? Is he going to live through this? At first I didn’t know what to say, I was in shock. I told him that I was sorry he has to grow through this all over again, especially when he just went through fighting the cancer weeks ago. We were all overcome with emotion and I was heartbroken. After they answered a few of my questions we said our goodbyes and with full hearts we said “I love you.”

I buried my head in Brady’s arms and bawled. After I talked with Brady I immediately thought of Amber. I didn’t want her to be alone on this night, so I called my parents and asked them to have her come over when they were done talking with her. When she came over we embraced as tears fell down our cheeks. Seeing Amber made me feel better, there is something about seeing family members that makes a difficult moment sweeter. We talked a lot and tried to make the best of a rough night. I’m pretty sure I remember eating way too much food that night.

That night was full of many emotions, denial, anger, fear, sorrow, and heart quenching pain. It didn’t take me long though to accept the truth at hand and to realize I needed to have faith. It was at that moment I knew more than ever that my Dad’s life is in the Lords hands. I knew that I and our family needed to rely on the Lord and his Atonement to heal my Dad. I felt the sweet tender mercies of our Savior on that night, and have since felt many tender mercies and seen many miracles take place. I know that my parents have great faith and that my Dad is in healing hands.

I’m so grateful to my Dad for his never ending faith, especially in the face of such trials. He has remained strong throughout this entire process and has always put on a happy face. I know that my Dad has had and will have very rough times. I’m sure he is exhausted and especially ready to have a fully capable healthy body to finish the work he is set out to do. I’m sure it is difficult to remain strong when faced with cancer. However, there is much power and strength in optimism and faith, both of which have been at the heart of my Dad’s experiences.

On that Friday night my Dad said, “I know there is a reason I’m going through all of this, I’m just not sure what that reason is yet.” Well Dad, I can tell you this much. This experience has taught me a great deal about faith and especially about our Savior and the Atonement. Seeing the pain your body has been put through has been difficult to witness, as your daughter. It has strengthened my testimony that our spirits are strong even when our bodies are not. To imagine what you have accomplished while battling this cancer is astounding. To see you rise above the pain and push through difficult times speaks volumes about your faith. I’ve become closer to our Savior and Heavenly Father during this entire process and my testimony has been strengthened. There is something very sweet and tender when contemplating the Savior and his Atonement. There is something even sweeter about the experience of witnessing the healing power of the Atonement in someone’s life. Thank you for remaining faithful and allowing our family to go through this testimony building experience with you. I love you, Dad.